I won my first challenge today!
As a memebr of a writer’s group on the net I have been pretty slack in joining in with stuff. I’m finally beginning to learn the lesson that just getting on with it really is the way forward. ‘Write and write lots’ they keep shouting at me from the wings and yes, believe it or not, the published authors are right.
I have to say that I feel pretty damn good about it and find myself far more willing to take criticism constructively in the light of someone actually showing that I heading in the right direction. For that I thank my group, I would not want to be writing in a bubble anymore, nor am I scared to show even my laziest work to others. So the best thing I have done so far is joined a writer’s group. I have realised, humbly, that you can’t learn and improve on your own (I should know this - I am a teacher) and that if something is worth doing it will always pay off in the end.
So many hurdles to jump, but the first I hope will be the hardest...
No bloody chance.
Monday, 22 February 2010
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
So Much Choice
It is clear by the frequency of my writing these days that I have managed to lure myself out of hibernation for the time being. (I like the analogy - a hibernating writer!) I have found my 'get up and go' and I am going to take full advantage of my current disposition - wish I could learn some dedication, but I guess I'll have to take what I can get.
My problem today is that there is so much I want to do. I can think of worse problems and I'm sure you can too. This is all part of the positive thinking drive I am taking, part of the 'learning about Buddhism' movement. Positive thinking is getting better, I think. It can be hard to tell, the mind is a complex organ and when it begins to think, sometimes I just can't keep up. But that is what mind control is all about - being able to control the thoughts you are having in order to be able to view with clarity and insight. I have to say, I not there yet (this was meant to take a week...I'm on week two already), but I want to do this properly. Otherwise, what's the point?
The point is that when you open your mind, there is an awful lot to take in. This is not a bad thing; it just leads to some difficult choices, or an entire week of never going to sleep. I have started reading journals and review magazines, aside from the reading I do on a day to day basis. I have started writing for my forum groups again and I still want to write daily for myself. There is no way I can fit all of this in during a regular working week, so how do I deal with the infux of knowledge and information?
Perhaps I should pick up the first thing I read on any given day and give that topic my full attention for the rest of the day. I might choose to read a literary review first thing in the morning, as I did today. Taking today as an example, I would have spent the rest of the day looking for other feminist articles based on De Beauvoir's The Second Sex and creating my own writings around this topic. But this seems to me a very shallow approach to writing on a certain topic. Surely you need more than a day to study De Beauvoir alone, without all the other commentators. When I get down to something I like to do it properly, anything else is just bad form.
I may be heading towards an answer here. I like to have my life rigidly set out into sections, but I also live with the understanding that most of the time life just isn't like that. So here is my compromise to myself: I should discover my topic first thing in the morning, through reading an article or extract, checking my mood and deciding how I am placed for that day. When I have decided on my topic of choice, be it creative writing, politics, the feminine or whatever, I should decide on a time frame to give that topic - a piece of creative writing may only last a day, feminism on the other hand could last at least a week(!) I will see if in this way I can limit the scope of the writing I look at without needing to levave anything out. I don't want to feel like I am spreading myself too thinly, nor do I want to feel I am spread too thick!
Having discovered some fascinating facts about De Beauvoir and her writing today, I got so caught up in covering as much ground as possible, that I left her and her musings somewhere behind, waiting for a more interested soul to retrieve them. That soul should have been me. The other writings will wait. That is the wonderful thing about writing, it will never go away.
My problem today is that there is so much I want to do. I can think of worse problems and I'm sure you can too. This is all part of the positive thinking drive I am taking, part of the 'learning about Buddhism' movement. Positive thinking is getting better, I think. It can be hard to tell, the mind is a complex organ and when it begins to think, sometimes I just can't keep up. But that is what mind control is all about - being able to control the thoughts you are having in order to be able to view with clarity and insight. I have to say, I not there yet (this was meant to take a week...I'm on week two already), but I want to do this properly. Otherwise, what's the point?
The point is that when you open your mind, there is an awful lot to take in. This is not a bad thing; it just leads to some difficult choices, or an entire week of never going to sleep. I have started reading journals and review magazines, aside from the reading I do on a day to day basis. I have started writing for my forum groups again and I still want to write daily for myself. There is no way I can fit all of this in during a regular working week, so how do I deal with the infux of knowledge and information?
Perhaps I should pick up the first thing I read on any given day and give that topic my full attention for the rest of the day. I might choose to read a literary review first thing in the morning, as I did today. Taking today as an example, I would have spent the rest of the day looking for other feminist articles based on De Beauvoir's The Second Sex and creating my own writings around this topic. But this seems to me a very shallow approach to writing on a certain topic. Surely you need more than a day to study De Beauvoir alone, without all the other commentators. When I get down to something I like to do it properly, anything else is just bad form.
I may be heading towards an answer here. I like to have my life rigidly set out into sections, but I also live with the understanding that most of the time life just isn't like that. So here is my compromise to myself: I should discover my topic first thing in the morning, through reading an article or extract, checking my mood and deciding how I am placed for that day. When I have decided on my topic of choice, be it creative writing, politics, the feminine or whatever, I should decide on a time frame to give that topic - a piece of creative writing may only last a day, feminism on the other hand could last at least a week(!) I will see if in this way I can limit the scope of the writing I look at without needing to levave anything out. I don't want to feel like I am spreading myself too thinly, nor do I want to feel I am spread too thick!
Having discovered some fascinating facts about De Beauvoir and her writing today, I got so caught up in covering as much ground as possible, that I left her and her musings somewhere behind, waiting for a more interested soul to retrieve them. That soul should have been me. The other writings will wait. That is the wonderful thing about writing, it will never go away.
Monday, 15 February 2010
Still Not Quite There (Not Even Close)
Finding my feet in the writing process appears to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I am torn between writing in a style that is recognised and sticking to the person I am and writing with my own fluidity. The latter sounds far preferable, if only I knew what it really meant all of the time. The writer inside me is inconsistent, untamed and unconventional, making it an uphill struggle; perhaps writing in the traditional style is the easiest thing to do.
I used to feel 'called' by my writing, I used to feel that it owned me. Looking back over writing in my past it was far more inspired than anything I have written in the last 5 years. Does that relect the pain I was going through in the early years of my life? Does it mean the onlyway to inspire my writing is to be in a constant state of heightened emotional being? If it does, you can bloody well keep it.
I found as I got older the more self aware became. I was suddenly aware of the consequences of my actions, the way people would change their thoughts of me because of certain movements; that s not to say that I want to act in an immoral way, but I have become aware that everything I do is notice and scrutinised by those around me. I don't feel the freedom to act as myself anymore, there are too many other aspects to consider. I think that this feeling has found its way into my writing and I have locked the door on any artistic quality my life previously had.
Sounding so final is not what I mean, of course, my life is far from over. I shall have to go through a process of finding my self (or losing my self consciousness) and becoming an artist again. I have said that I have been studying the way of the buddhist and although I have not been successful yet, I have learnt a lot about myself. Something that is meant to last a week will certainly take me a month to practise and perfect, but I will get there. It starts with positive thought, something that the majority of people would find a difficult concept these days. I find it most difficult not for others or the world around me, but for myself.
I find it difficult to think of myself in positive terms for longer than a couple of hours. When the novelty wears off and I am tired of making the conscious choice to think well of myself I have a tendency to let my guard slip. As our negative thoughts are involuntary (so I am told) it is all too easy for my brain to follow the mould it has been forced into for the last 20 years; back to negativity it goes. I have found it much easier to look on the brightside when I am interacting with others, although this is something I need to practise for it to become automatic, it is dealing with myself that I find most difficult. This is simply a habit I have to break. I think it has had a huge impact on my writing, back then I believed in myself, my choices and my actions were my own alone and for that reason I could believe in my writing too. Self doubt has led me to handcuff myself to wondering what other people might thnk if they saw me.
I am not ashamed of becoming this way, I am simply working to get out of the situation. Becoming a writer will be a far greater, fasr longer road than I ever thought it would; the further I travel, the more determined I become and - I hope - the more successful!
I used to feel 'called' by my writing, I used to feel that it owned me. Looking back over writing in my past it was far more inspired than anything I have written in the last 5 years. Does that relect the pain I was going through in the early years of my life? Does it mean the onlyway to inspire my writing is to be in a constant state of heightened emotional being? If it does, you can bloody well keep it.
I found as I got older the more self aware became. I was suddenly aware of the consequences of my actions, the way people would change their thoughts of me because of certain movements; that s not to say that I want to act in an immoral way, but I have become aware that everything I do is notice and scrutinised by those around me. I don't feel the freedom to act as myself anymore, there are too many other aspects to consider. I think that this feeling has found its way into my writing and I have locked the door on any artistic quality my life previously had.
Sounding so final is not what I mean, of course, my life is far from over. I shall have to go through a process of finding my self (or losing my self consciousness) and becoming an artist again. I have said that I have been studying the way of the buddhist and although I have not been successful yet, I have learnt a lot about myself. Something that is meant to last a week will certainly take me a month to practise and perfect, but I will get there. It starts with positive thought, something that the majority of people would find a difficult concept these days. I find it most difficult not for others or the world around me, but for myself.
I find it difficult to think of myself in positive terms for longer than a couple of hours. When the novelty wears off and I am tired of making the conscious choice to think well of myself I have a tendency to let my guard slip. As our negative thoughts are involuntary (so I am told) it is all too easy for my brain to follow the mould it has been forced into for the last 20 years; back to negativity it goes. I have found it much easier to look on the brightside when I am interacting with others, although this is something I need to practise for it to become automatic, it is dealing with myself that I find most difficult. This is simply a habit I have to break. I think it has had a huge impact on my writing, back then I believed in myself, my choices and my actions were my own alone and for that reason I could believe in my writing too. Self doubt has led me to handcuff myself to wondering what other people might thnk if they saw me.
I am not ashamed of becoming this way, I am simply working to get out of the situation. Becoming a writer will be a far greater, fasr longer road than I ever thought it would; the further I travel, the more determined I become and - I hope - the more successful!
Saturday, 6 February 2010
Catching Up
It may seem like I have been a total slacker for the last couple of months - in a way this may also be true - but I do also have a half acceptable reason for my absence. I have moved house and been living in the stone age without the internet for 6 weeks. This might sound like a bit of a cop out, but if you've ever moved in your life, you'll know it isn't a case of all out, all aboard, all in again. It takes much longer than that and the effort involved has made me want to die old and senile, right here, in this very house.
I have, to make up for my lack of communication, been doing an awful lot of thinking about writing and the thought processes that go into it. (I have of course been using the out-dated pen and paper method of keeping my hands flexed during my AWOL period.)
I have come up with some ideas that I hope will help me to write more easily and with more prolifacy. Believe it or not I have started to read a couple of books on becoming a Buddhist. Not the first thing that sprngs to mind when yu think of improving writing skills I'm sure, but really a useful exercise in clearing the mind and focusing on positivity. I think I have mentioned before my distinct lack of happy endings; this is not something that fills me with joy when I consider the future of my own life. So my Buddhist guide is giving me an insight into purity of life and methods for clearing my mind of negative thoughts. An interesting experiment, one that I am taking very seriously. (The sarcastic tone of my blog is due to my natural propenisty to take the piss, not my lack of interest in anything I might write about.)
I am fascinated by the theory of Buddhism and have put it 'at the centre of my being' in order to ensure my dedication to seeing it through. I do feel a little worried of the mockery I may get from those around me, worried enough to not shout it from the roof tops, but not worried enough to keep the text I am reading under constant surveillance.
My writing has been a non-starter n the last couple of weeks, mostly because I haven't been maintaining my work-life balance as well as I could have done. I have lost enthusiasm for both my work and my life, so writing was the last thng I wanted to do. But over time I am getting better at understanding my own processes and the lethargy is fewer and further between.
Today is my first day of Buddhism and I am here writing now. Whether that is the Buddhism or just having some time off I'm not quite sure, perhaps my next instalment will be a picture of tranquility and level-minded mantras!
I have, to make up for my lack of communication, been doing an awful lot of thinking about writing and the thought processes that go into it. (I have of course been using the out-dated pen and paper method of keeping my hands flexed during my AWOL period.)
I have come up with some ideas that I hope will help me to write more easily and with more prolifacy. Believe it or not I have started to read a couple of books on becoming a Buddhist. Not the first thing that sprngs to mind when yu think of improving writing skills I'm sure, but really a useful exercise in clearing the mind and focusing on positivity. I think I have mentioned before my distinct lack of happy endings; this is not something that fills me with joy when I consider the future of my own life. So my Buddhist guide is giving me an insight into purity of life and methods for clearing my mind of negative thoughts. An interesting experiment, one that I am taking very seriously. (The sarcastic tone of my blog is due to my natural propenisty to take the piss, not my lack of interest in anything I might write about.)
I am fascinated by the theory of Buddhism and have put it 'at the centre of my being' in order to ensure my dedication to seeing it through. I do feel a little worried of the mockery I may get from those around me, worried enough to not shout it from the roof tops, but not worried enough to keep the text I am reading under constant surveillance.
My writing has been a non-starter n the last couple of weeks, mostly because I haven't been maintaining my work-life balance as well as I could have done. I have lost enthusiasm for both my work and my life, so writing was the last thng I wanted to do. But over time I am getting better at understanding my own processes and the lethargy is fewer and further between.
Today is my first day of Buddhism and I am here writing now. Whether that is the Buddhism or just having some time off I'm not quite sure, perhaps my next instalment will be a picture of tranquility and level-minded mantras!
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