One year on...

Why is it that the longer you leave something, no matter how much you know you are going to enjoy it, the harder it becomes to tie yourself down to it? It's been a year since I wrote a blog and I'm nervous about coming back to it!
I still have the same dreams, I still want the same things, yet here I am, still dreaming, still wanting. I haven't met the dragon head on, I didn't even get that far the first time around, but a lot has happened and perhaps I won't have to wait for third time lucky.
Sometimes when you really want something it is that very thing that you avoid, put off, procrastinate about, in order that perhaps you might never have to face up to the fact that you want it so much you don't know what you would do if you got it; if you failed...well you fail every day that you don't do anything about it. That's far easier to deal with.
Perseverance is a state of mind; the most vital state of mind for getting anything that you really want. Admitting that you really want something is, I suppose, the first step. I WANT TO BE A WRITER. There. I've admitted it. I don't suddenly expect the job offers to come pouring in, but at least I can feel a sense of peace about my goal and ambition.
Positivity is another state of mind. I'm still working on that one, but I think I'm mpving in the right direction; that's my first positive step.
This is the story of my journey through becoming a writer, interesting to very few I expect, but writing, writing anything, is paramount at this stage. I don't think that because I haven't written for a year I have become a failure; I have taken a vital chapter of my journey and it hasn't involved writing. I suppose that even the non-writing has been a part of my experience as a writer. What have I learnt from it about writing? Not much. What have I learnt from it about my fears and the dreams I have? Plenty. The fact that I am still here and have taken this up again because it was once more thrown my way has shown me that real dreams don't ever go away and if this one is here to stay, then I'd beeter get on and satisfy it. It's the only way I will ever become whole, become my real self. It feels a bit like that with writing to me. It's as if I have something missing if words don't feature in my life in a major way - books, diaries, stories, poems, essays, I could consume them everlastingly without ever feeling full.
So I start another chapter of my writing journey and I'm sure that this one will have more writing in it than the previous chapter, perhaps even more than the one before that. I have my fingers crossed and my eyes towards the sky...